“I didn’t stop believing because I wanted to sin. I stopped believing because I started asking better questions.”
For years, I was immersed in a belief system that promised certainty, salvation, and community. It answered all the big questions—where we came from, what we’re here for, and what happens when we die. But eventually, those neat answers began to feel like tightly sealed boxes, not doors to discovery. The more I studied, questioned, and listened—especially to the small, persistent voice of doubt—the more I realized my faith was built on fear, tradition, and emotional manipulation, not truth.
This is my deconversion story.
The Questions That Wouldn’t Go Away
It didn’t begin with rebellion. It began with sincerity. With Bible reading. With prayer. I wanted to understand God better. But I kept encountering contradictions—within the Bible itself, between the character of God and the horrors of hell, between what I was told to believe and what I knew deep down was moral and just.
The resurrection, I was told, was the ultimate proof. But I came to realize that it wasn’t. The “evidence” was weak. The emotional pressure to believe was strong. And the cost of asking hard questions was often isolation and judgment.
What kind of truth needs to be propped up by fear of hell?
A God Too Small
I believed in a God who demanded blood to forgive, who created people knowing most would suffer eternally, who answered some prayers but not others—and we were never allowed to ask why. Any doubt was labeled as rebellion. Any critique, as pride. But the God I was supposed to worship felt more like a cosmic tyrant than a loving father.
My deconstruction was slow, layered, and painful. But when I finally let go of the idea that the Bible was inerrant—that was the turning point. The house of cards began to fall. And I didn’t crumble with it. I grew.
What I Found Instead
When I stopped clinging to faith, I didn’t become lost. I became more grounded. More human. More empathetic. I discovered wonder not in dogma but in reality—in science, in philosophy, in the beauty of questions without tidy answers. I stopped fearing hell and started loving life.
And here’s what surprised me most: the world didn’t become darker. It became brighter. I didn’t lose meaning—I began to build my own.
If You’re Deconstructing
You’re not alone. Millions of people are questioning their faith—especially those raised in high-control religious environments like Southern Baptist fundamentalism. Deconstruction isn’t rebellion. It’s growth. It’s an act of courage. And walking away from belief doesn’t mean walking away from morality, wonder, or purpose. It often means reclaiming them.
📺 For Further Exploration:
A moving, funny, and deeply honest account of one woman’s deconversion journey.
🧠 Thought to Ponder: If you were born in a different country, to different parents, would you still believe what you do now? If not, what does that say about your faith?
God or Delusion? 