A Journey from Deep Belief to Skepticism
For 60 years, I was a committed Southern Baptist. I read my Bible, prayed daily, attended church faithfully, and truly believed I had a personal relationship with God. My faith was the foundation of my life—it gave me purpose, shaped my decisions, and provided what I thought was absolute truth.
Then, everything changed.
🔹 A Life Built on Faith
I wasn’t just a casual believer—I was deeply involved in my church and community. My faith wasn’t a Sunday-only commitment; it was woven into every aspect of my life.
✔ I trusted the Bible as the inspired Word of God.
✔ I prayed with conviction, believing my prayers were heard.
✔ I evangelized and shared my faith with others.
✔ I never doubted—until the day I did.
🔹 The First Cracks in My Faith
Looking back, I realize my faith had small cracks for years, but I ignored them. Whenever I encountered difficult questions, I did what every faithful believer does: I prayed, sought guidance, and reaffirmed my trust in God.
But certain questions refused to go away.
1️⃣ The Problem of Evil & Suffering
I couldn’t reconcile the idea of a loving, all-powerful God with the overwhelming suffering in the world.
- Why does God allow innocent children to die from disease and starvation?
- Why do natural disasters wipe out thousands of lives in an instant?
- Why does God remain silent while people cry out for help?
Every answer I received felt hollow:🗣 “God works in mysterious ways.”🗣 “Suffering is part of His divine plan.”🗣 “We can’t understand His wisdom.”
But if I couldn’t understand God, how could I trust Him completely?
2️⃣ Prayer: A One-Way Conversation
For years, I truly believed that prayer worked. I felt comforted, reassured, and connected to God whenever I prayed.
But one day, I asked myself: “If prayer works, why does it look exactly like coincidence?”
- If a sick person recovers, we say, “God answered our prayers.”
- If they die, we say, “God had a different plan.”
- If nothing happens, we say, “Keep praying—God’s timing is perfect.”
No matter what the outcome, we always found a way to credit God—even when it was clear that prayer had no measurable effect.
If God was truly all-powerful and interactive, why did He never provide clear, undeniable answers?
3️⃣ The Bible’s Inconsistencies
The more I studied the Bible, the more I noticed contradictions and moral problems I had previously overlooked.
- Why does the Old Testament portray a vengeful, wrathful God while the New Testament promotes love and forgiveness?
- Why does God command genocide, slavery, and stoning in the Old Testament but condemn sin in the New Testament?
- Why are there so many contradictions between the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ life?
For decades, I convinced myself that the Bible had no errors—that any contradiction could be explained. But the deeper I studied, the more I realized that I was forcing the pieces to fit rather than accepting that the Bible was flawed.
🔹 The Moment I Stopped Believing
There wasn’t a single “aha” moment where I suddenly became an atheist. It was a slow, painful process.
I fought to keep my faith. I prayed more, studied harder, and asked pastors for guidance. But instead of finding reassurance, I found more doubts.
Then, one day, I realized something terrifying:I didn’t believe anymore.
I wasn’t rejecting God because I wanted to sin. I wasn’t “angry at God.” I wasn’t looking for excuses.
I simply realized that there was no reason to believe anymore.
🔹 Life After Faith: What I Gained
Leaving Christianity wasn’t easy. I lost the certainty and comfort that faith provided. But I also gained something unexpected:
✔ Freedom – No more cognitive dissonance, no more justifying contradictions.
✔ Honesty – I could finally admit that I didn’t have the answers—and that’s okay.
✔ A New Perspective – I saw the world through evidence and reason rather than faith.
✔ Authenticity – I no longer had to pretend to believe in something I knew wasn’t true.
Many believers assume that losing faith means losing morality, purpose, and meaning. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
🚀 I didn’t lose meaning—I created it.
🔹 What I Want for You
If you’re reading this, you might be questioning your faith, or maybe you’re a believer who wants to understand why some people leave religion.
I’m not here to attack believers—I was one for most of my life. I know how deeply personal and emotional faith is.
But I do want to challenge you to think critically. Ask questions. Demand evidence. Follow the truth—wherever it leads.
✉️ Join the Conversation
What about you? Have you questioned your faith? Are you a believer who sees things differently?
👇 Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts.
God or Delusion? 